Breaking Down and Tired

It's been a while since I've last posted... Be right back, I have to do some laundry.

Alright, the laundry is going and now I am back writing this post. I'm not sure what exactly to tell you except that I am quite messed up. My emotions are overflowing to the point where I am getting very upset over the tiniest things. League of Legends, for instance.

In this strategic game, I am either feeling my own guilt which turns into depression or anger, or I am angry towards my team. I will get angry at myself when I die in a stupid way and that's basically it. Now, that happens a few times but it's nothing I can't handle. Occasionally I have a death streak and get pissed off, but oh well. What angers me even more is when we have to surrender because our team is doing somewhat bad.  This is often when I'm playing with Nico, to be honest. He doesn't see the point in continuing to play if the odds aren't in our favour Now, must of the time he is correct and we will more than likely lose and he surrenders at 15 minutes in and I get upset. I don't get upset that he wants to quit, it makes me upset that he forces ME to quit. I don't care if we're down just a few kills, I'm going to keep trying and keep playing. Games are supposed to be about fun and when he rages about me not surrendering ASAP, or when Alex rages over kill steals, it pisses me off. I think I may just stop playing with them as much, or maybe as soon as they start to rage, I'll stop playing with them for that time period. That may bring my "stress" down, or whatever I'm calling this.

I'm pretty fucked right about now, it's 4:45am and I have to work at 11am. There isn't any possible way that I'll get to sleep tonight. I'm going to have to pull through and stay awake. I guess I'll stay up and leave rather early so I can go to the bank, get a new debit card, take out money for rent, buy an energy drink, work until 4pm, buy more energy drinks and then stay up and play LoL with Jared and Nico and whoever else. Yes, this is my plan... My stupid, stupid plan. You may be wondering why I can't just get 5 hours of sleep, eh? Well, maybe I'll be able to. It kind of depends when my laundry finishes, since I just put it on. I procrastinated doing laundry and now I have to switch it over because it won't dry if I switch it when I wake up. If it finishes quickly enough, maybe I'll switch it over and get a few hours of sleep, but I'm really worried that I won't wake up... I think I'd rather be dead tired than miss my shift and get in shit.

I hope I'll be able to do this. This is worse than going to work high. Let's just hope that I don't break down at work again, 'cause I really hate when that happens.

The only time I really don't break down is when I'm talking to Leigh... Perhaps I can just always be with her and I will never stress out. Yeah, that sounds like a great cure. <3