He doesn't say things to make me happy, he says things that make me happy. There's a big difference, even though it's just one small word that makes that difference. It's like something else we say, which is, 'I like you.' I'm not saying that it's a bad thing to say 'I love you', because it certainly isn't. But it's not like you have to say it just because you feel that it'll make the other person feel happy.
We also discussed something else. What's the difference between, 'I want you' and 'I need you.' Although, I guess needing someone is a bit more sincere and dramatic, and just puts everything into a big empty space. That big empty space is filled with words that you might or might not say when in a relationship such as, 'I love you', 'I need you'... For most people, that space is getting emptier and emptier, and there is almost nothing in there because a lot of couples rush through relationships like it was the end of the world or something.
Not only words, but actions. Day one you're kissing, even snogging the faces off of each other for some people. I wouldn't really know with Devin, because it's physically impossible at the moment (at the moment). But when we meet for the first time, on the first day, even the first hour... What would we do?
I'm assuming that by the time that we actually meet each other face to face for the first time, we will have been in a relationship for a year at minimum. Who knows if it'll last that long.
And also, no, I'm not being all pessimistic by saying 'I don't know if this will last over a year' but you can't tell what will happen. Right now, in the moment, we have an amazing relationship, and some might even argue that once you start thinking negatively about your relationship then it's going to start going downhill. Well they're wrong, I'm just stating the truth. And the truth is, just like Devin once told me... Anything can happen.
What will happen on the first night? Think about it...
There's a fine line between certain words you say to people. A lot of people worry about what to say to their partner, whether it's allowed or if the other person would be too upset. Then there are others who speak without thinking what they're about to say. There are even more people who don't know how to balance all of that crap in the middle. I personally think that Devin and I are in the middle... Most of the time... If we want to talk about something, he is the one that usually brings it up about a week after I start thinking about it. This isn't bad, I guess, because I'm not one to fuss over thoughts because I get on with it. But if he brings it up, I will tell him that I've been thinking about it. We don't hide anything from each other... There's nothing to hide, and should be nothing to hide, in a relationship (That's why it's called a 'couple' - Meaning two).
Then again, me being me, I'm going to go back on everything that I just said. Even though we don't say 'I love you' etc etc, we do things that are above 'I love you' in the relationship level - Depending on what kind of person you are or what kind of relationship you're in. He'll know what this means, and I know that we've discussed it before, but we came to a decision that it was fine (which it probably shouldn't be, because it defies all of the 'rules' we have... Want for a better word).
In other words I'm just contradicting everything that I'm saying. Why are you listening to my life lessons anyway? Of course they're of use, and you should consider ALL of them, but who goes around purposefully trying to be a better person? If you're purposefully trying to be a better person then nothing is going to be better for you. Having a better life comes with experience, belief, time, and fuck-knows... Experience mostly.
That's what life is about. Getting hit on the head and getting back up thinking that you're not going to get hit again. Will you get hit again? Fuck knows, this post is just one huge tangent.
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