Loren

Leigh did a post about Emma, I may as well do a post about my Loren.

From the first moment that we communicated, we loved each other. We thought about it later how when we first met we pretended to be a couple. Funny, considering what we became. I met Loren through an online friend, Danielle, we don't talk anymore. I was put into a group conversation on MSN and Loren and I pretended to be a couple saying "I love you" and such. I added her and we began to talk, not knowing that our love for each other would grow immensely.

I specifically remember that one time Loren accidentally sent me a message in french. She told me to ignore it, but instead I copied it into google translate and the only bits it translated well enough weren't very nice. It was a message about someone beating her, hitting her, abusing her. I asked her about it but she wouldn't tell me. I told her to be safe and that I cared. It's hard for me to remember every day that passed, just because I don't have the best memory.

We talked nearly every day. She was 4 hours behind my time so I would stay up as late as I could just to talk to her. I didn't care that I got yelled at by my parents, as long as I got to talk to Loren, I was happy. I remember when the computer was in the office and I would go in there and not come out for hours on end just because I wanted to talk to Loren.We talked every day and we began to see that... We loved each other.

I didn't have a cell phone back then, oh how I wish I did. We talked on the phone for hours and hours, sometimes not talking about anything, sometimes having long discussions. We talked of me going to visit when I could get enough money, and once my parents allowed. See, she lived in British Columbia which is on the other side of Canada from where I am. Pretty far. Despite the distance, we talked and loved for 2 years, never leaving each other. Sure, we had our moments when we doubted the relationship, but we held strong and we stayed with each other. We were never officially "dating" but we were in love. We didn't know what to do because of the distance and eventually she wanted me to date someone that I had somewhat of a connection with... Mariah, but she is a different story. I should have never done that to her. On facebook we were engaged... I wish it was still there. On facebook I had a poke from her... I don't know why it disappeared.

Things started to get bad in my house, lots of fighting, banks calling non-stop and somewhat of a depression. Here's when things get really bad. Since the bank took our house, we had to move out. We couldn't make the payments so we had nowhere to live. My dad got a U-Haul and we started putting stuff in... The last night at my house, I was playing Call of Duty and Loren called... I wanted to play some more so I told her I'd call her later... Biggest mistake of my life. I didn't hear from her for the next couple days. I was busy moving out so it wasn't in the front of my mind... I was going to call her or message her once I could, I was just rather busy. The last trip from the house, we were about to leave and go stay at a place a friend was lending us while they weren't there... My mom decides to play the answering machine to check messages before we leave... There is one from Loren's mother. It says something around the lines of; "Devin, Loren's been murdered, please call this number right away..." and she gave her number. I stopped at the top of the stairs, frozen. I didn't know what to do. I screamed "What?! What did she just say?! Call her right now!" and my mom picked up the phone, listened to the message again and called Loren's mother.

I couldn't bear the news. I paced, waiting for an answer and that's when I was told that the love of my life was dead. I yelled at the top of my lungs, punched walls repeatedly, went outside and screamed for whatever god is out there to take me instead. People say it feels like a dream when someone they love dies... It feels like a nightmare that you cannot wake up from. That went on and my mom hugged me, tears streaming down my face... I didn't know what to do. I could barely stand, I couldn't speak... All I could do was sob. I got the phone and Loren's mom told me what happened and what was going on... I tried so hard not to break down, but I couldn't help it. After everything at home, when I was a bit calmer, we got in the car and we went to my friend Sam's house... He wasn't there, so I told his mom what happened and my mom and I went to our new home.

Sam knocked on the door and hugged me. I didn't know what to do, I hugged him back and cried. From there, we got in his truck and went into Arnprior, looking for someone who could help. We went to my friend Daniel's work and he came outside to talk... He hugged me, not letting go and cried on his shoulder for a few minutes. Sam then drove me to my friend Dana's and I saw her... After seeing people, talking and crying... Sam took me home. I laid on the couch, staring at the ceiling, not thinking... barely breathing... and wishing I would wake up from this nightmare.

I woke up and went to school the next day. For the next week of school, I was lifeless. I walked around the halls with no emotions on my face. I couldn't bear to do anything. This marked the next year of my life being depressed, suicidal and sad. Sure, sometimes I could say "She'd want me to be happy." But I was sad beyond all comprehension.

I will never forget Loren, nor will I ever stop loving her. I have Leigh now, and she reminds me so much of Loren... I hate to compare... but oh well.

Thank you so much Leigh.

I will remember you, Loren.