Guys

Devin has said to me a couple of times that, before we met, he was sad and depressed. I might seem a bit obnoxious saying this myself, but I have made his life better. This is what he has told me, so I'm just going by word of mouth. I know that about a year ago, and a few years before that, I was also going through some sort of depression and, to an extent, anxiety. However, when I started going to college, my life became immensly better and I felt like I didn't give a shit about anything - But in a good way. I felt like I didn't need anything but College, my family, and my college mates.
However, after I met Devin as Devin (not as Alchemized), I sometimes have a reason to be upset. Not because I don't like the relationship or it's made me more sensitive towards things, I just don't feel happy 100% of the time now, because there have been some times in our relationship where we've brought up subjects that are extremely sensitive. I'm not saying that I'm sad for even 10% of the time, because that's definitely not the case. There have just been some down moments that hardly last a day because of those sensitive subjects.

I remember when Devin once said, when we were a borderline couple (trying to figure out whether we should be together or not), that I liked Mark - a.k.a He assumed that I wanted to be with him, which is why there were difficulties in decision making. I also remember my reaction, which was a definite no. It has made me think sometimes, of times where others have insinuated that I wanted to be with Mark. We were friends pretty quick mainly because our personalities are very similar, but I've always thought that Mark isn't boyfriend material, especially if we were to go out. It's weird because whenever I've had guy friends that were close, I would end up falling for them, but I guess that because Mark had a girlfriend at the time, it was a total turn off because I don't fall for guys that already have a girlfriend. It just doesn't appeal to me, and I guess it never has. Even when Mark split up with her girlfriend, I had no stronger feelings towards him. I suppose it's because it's Mark, and the closest we'll ever be is bromance.
On the otherhand, I definitely think that Devin is boyfriend material, although we hardly had time to be friends because whatever happened seemed almost instant when we started talking properly - With Devin as Devin, and Leigh as Leigh. But I'm not complaning because I think that our relationship wouldn't have come to be in any other circumstance.

I think that another reason why there was no appeal towards Mark, even with other guys in the past aswell, is because I'm such a tomboy. I wear hoodies, no makeup, my hair always used to be up in a pony-tail, and I wear guys trainers. I also do stuff that stereotypically a guy would do. I game, I talk about sex quite a lot, I joke about the dirtiest of shit, I watch porn, I masturbate, and I even make really sexist jokes about women. That's why there's no appeal.
However, with Devin, all my mushy-gushy-lovey-dovey soft side comes out. I still act like I normally do at College, but with a bit more sensitivity. Mark was very surprised when he first heard me speaking to Devin because I'm always like 'AGHHH' and not like 'D'awhhh'. But I'm glad that there's a slight difference when I speak to Devin even though I'm still myself, and I'm glad that I can still be myself around him, because I think that he's the first guy I've ever been out with where I haven't felt petrified to be as much as myself as I can possibly be. I know this because I can say that I love Devin's balls and not feel like a complete twat. I love your balls Devin, oh and I also like you. I like you aswell! :3